


The Hands of Atonement

by stardustcatharsis



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Canon Continuation, Canon-Typical Violence, Dark Reylo, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Love Stories, M/M, Rescue, Resurrection, Soulmates, The Force, Witchcraft
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:29:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21964987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardustcatharsis/pseuds/stardustcatharsis
Summary: TROS SPOILERS:A post canon continuation of Rey going to great lengths to rectify the disservices faced on Exegol.On a mission to Dathomir she barters her remaining life to gain knowledge of the Vergence Scatter (World Between Worlds) in an attempt to change the past that she won't let die.It may cost her everything she has gained, her power, her family and her future.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 7
Kudos: 39





	The Hands of Atonement

**Author's Note:**

> If you do not want TRoS spoilers, please to not read further. This is helping me cope with my feelings.  
> Moving forward, the chapters will be more event heavy, as the first processes a lot of feelings.
> 
> I will be correcting typos and spelling errors after initial post. May the force be with you.

A gasp cut the silence aboard the _Falcon._ Rey shot up from her bunk - _his bunk -_ and inhaled as though it were her first breath. Callused fingers pressed into her sockets as she let her fingers glide along her sweat kissed cheeks. She breathed in deeply, thanking _him_ for the oxygen in her lungs, for the beating of her heart. One that fluttered in rapt motion; aching as it had when she was a mere scavenger upon the dusty dunes of Jakku.

A beat for each mark couldn't compare to its tempestuous roaring in her ears. It was all one sound in place of the quiet that came right before _his_ waves came crashing into her own. An open wound had formed in her consciousness since that night.

Rey breathed in and out as she did often during meditation. Blindly, she searched the dark for the black garment stolen from Exegol. It belonged to _her._ She crushed it against her chest, wrapping her arms around herself as she had so many nights in her youth.

The smell of his spice, his sweat, the essence that clung to him still clung to those fibers and she intended to inhale them all. _Ben_ was a sore on her heart and her mind and deep within the Force. She had barely slept since then.

Finn sensed her unease, and she tried desperately to keep his focus elsewhere. She had never spoken of what had happened to Ben, and kept his secret safely tucked in the compartments of her own mind. They were finally safe there. There was no intrusion, no deep rumbling voice to haunt her at night.

She cried countless times and relived the moments and wasted time they shared over the span of those years. All of her mistakes came tumbling down her chin, salty and damp. Ben was a memory. She had him but for a moment. A single moment in her life.

The girl sobbed harder, rocking herself in the small quarters as though it could soothe her. He should have buried those sabers at his family home alongside her.

It wasn't fair. The Force could be kind and end her suffering. If she closed herself off, she would be a normal woman and erase it all from her mind. Yet, as she let out a strangled cry, Rey realized she could not. _Would not._

The silence was defeaning. Why would he not come to her as the others had? Just a moment of his presence could soothe the soreness in her bones. A second of time. _Anything._

Finn quietly stumbled around the corner, rubbing his sleepy eyes as he slumped against her bunk. Rey panicked and threw the sweater down and rubbed her blotchy face clean.

"Rey, you're strong. Do you think this is what he would have wanted for you?" He asked softly, reaching out his hand to hold hers. She relaxed against the wall as his thumb carefully rolled over hers.

Finn let out a sigh and let his friend stifle her cries, breathing in sharply. "Has he come to you like you said the others did? Do you have your questions answered?"

Rey's brows furrowed. Of course Finn could sense _Ren's_ absence. He never knew him as anything but. He did not know the life he had lived, or the way the darkness consumed him as he consumed it for comfort.

"Finn, I cannot fathom talking about this right now." She said, looking away.

"There has to be someway for you to communicate with him. I don't know if I agree with this, but I'll help you." Finn shifted. He had hidden his knowledge for long enough, he supposed. It was that _feeling_ that told him to do so.

"Finn, _please."_ She begged weakly. "Please let me be."

His hand recoiled and he set his jaw in a grimace. "No. I don't know even half of what you know. I am not what you are, but I'll make damn sure I get you to him."

Rey turned to him, tears still gleaning in her eyes. She was tired and too afraid of the sleep that slowly inched through her. The weight of his absence burdened not only her but the Force and her soul. They were incongruent; Two halves separated by death, never once to be whole.

"In the books, there is the place they call the Vergence Scatter." Rey rubbed her face and pointed Finn in the direction of the little storage compartments on the opposite side of the room. He flipped on the recess lights to illumate the floor.

"It's a world between worlds that I've been studying. I've been searching for an entrance, but all of the known portals have been destroyed." Rey said.

"Nothing is impossible. Remember that. Leia would have told you the same." Finn pulled the book from the drawer and skimmed through the pages until he found the diagram. He couldn't make sense of it, let alone believe Rey could either.

"Is this thing real?" He tilted his head.

Rey gestured for the book, "Mister _nothing is impossible,_ it is _very_ real. I don't believe I'm worthy of the knowledge, or that it would even allow me passage. There are only a few that have passed into the astral realm. I'm not sure Luke even came close."

She studied the pages for a moment, clinging to _hope. "_ I feel as though something far worse would happen if I went there. I've felt the pull to these pages for weeks now. I don't know if..." Rey closed her eyes, searching for Ben anywhere within her. She felt nothing but the wound festering at the thought. "It could be anything pushing me to it. It's like an annoying hum in my head, like when I taught you how to move objects. They sing to you."

Finn raised his tired eyes to hers. "Well, maybe the Force is telling you to find the way." He sounded more certain than she had been upon discovering the texts. "Besides, when we meditate, can does anyone come to you to guide you?"

"Master Luke pops in at the most dreadful times, but he won't speak to me about the door anymore. There is only one time he told me that on the island, he had thought to find it and alter his existence to be a normal man. He said that the door on Lothal had been destroyed, then later the planet. Even so, the First Order probably destroyed any of the other entrances with Starkiller." Rey exhaled and peered around the barracks to find Poe sleeping in the cockpit while Chewie lazily piloted.

"There have to be more places, Rey. Can Threepio translate this?"

"Mostly. There are a few bits and pieces missing or worn out."

"All I know it was in the Outer Rim, according to the holonet and some intel I stole over my missions." Rey said, brushing her fingers over the scar on her arm.

"Do you think it's possible there is an entrance on Exegol?" Finn squinted at the book, trying his best to make his friend feel less alone.

Rey stiffened. She didn't want to go back there. That went without saying. A sensation rippled through her, sending a shiver down her spine. "Where are we exactly?"

"We're just outside the Inner Rim."

"Take me to the base. I need to do this alone." Rey resolved, looking her friend in the eye. "I don't know if I'll return from this journey." She said, swallowing down her nervousness.

"You say that a lot, Rey. You know we won't-"

Rey clenched her jaw, raising her hand to his forehead. "Please forgive me. I am stronger than you know. Let me leave so I don't have to do this."

Finn bucked against her fingers, "It's the only way I'll let you leave here! You can't do everything alone! You'll get killed. You cannot run off and go on all of these missions like when you faced off with Ren!" His voice was burdened with ire. "We give a damn about you! I've put up with a lot of shit from you but overpowering me with your abilities doesn't make me the weak one. Accept the help, Rey."

"I was never alone." She closed her eyes and turned away. She tried desperately to grasp on to a thought that did not pry deeply into him. She would not do such a thing. She loved him dearly and _knew_ this would be the result of his intrusions.

Finn was too good, too kind. She should not have been afforded it no matter how much she cared for her _family._ "Tell Poe to punch in the coordinates to Takodana. I need my ship."

Finn struggled against her, "It isn't working on me." He pushed back, irritating the two of them. "Doesn't matter how strong you are, I can still refute it."

Rey let our a dismal sigh and threw her hands up in aggravation. Now she knew how the Caretakers had felt when they saw her return to the island. She was a nuisance just like Finn was turning out to be in this very moment.

He shook his head and saw garment laying on the bunk. "What is that?"

Rey lunged towards Ben's old bunk and greedily tried to stuff it out of sight. "It's nothing of importance to you or anyone else." Her darkness fluctuated. She wanted it to herself as if it were the only thing left to bind her to him.

"What happened on Exegol, Rey?" Finn crossed his arms defiantly. "You've glossed over so much that it doesn't make any sense."

"It isn't anyone's business. The only thing that you need to know is that Palpatine is dead and that should be enough." Rey said sternly. They had remained quiet enough not to disturb Poe. Chewie surely had listened intently, as he always did. He was somehow her protector, even amongst friends.

Finn's dark eyes challenged hers. He sensed the unrest about her, and he reclined against the drawers as though he was owed an explanation. "What happened?"

Rey glared. All she saw was his lifeless body after she kissed him. She was bound to him. He was bound to her. He deserved kriffing happiness just as much as she did. They had suffered enough. No code or creed could sever what spanned between them.

"There are things better left alone, Finn. I know you're trying to help me but I really cannot do this any other way. Also, you're getting really good at persuasion." Rey quipped, trying to deflect her feelings.

She waved a finger as she began to walk away. Albeit, there were only so many places she could go on the Falcon.

"Did you love him?" Finn asked poignantly. It made a clean cut through the girl as she turned around as though he wounded her.

He shrugged his shoulders, "Did you? Because you didn't say a damn word to deny that you're suffering because of that monster, even after he's dead."

Rey was on him. Her breath came out more jagged than Ren's saber. She was more fiery than that cracked kyber crystal and her hands caged Finn. "You do not call Ben that. He is the reason that I am standing here now. He gave his life for mine. How dare you ask me if I loved him, Finn. I thought better of you."

Finn swallowed nervously as he held his breath. The Force rippled violently between them, hers being far more volatile. She would never intentionally harm him, that was certain. But as small as she was, Rey was formidable.

"I literally spoke to you about a way to find him and you think I didn't already know, Rey?" He could have wept. He was resigned to her pain and he hated it. "I just wanted to finally hear you say it. Saying things helps them. You cannot carry a burden alone."

"It's funny you should say that because the man you're keen on is sleeping just a few feet away. Do you think I have the luxury?"

Tears begged to spill but she didn't allow it. She _was_ strong and she didn't give a damn how mad she was, she refused to show anyone else her weakness, her loneliness as she had with Ben. She would count the days and never stop needing him. He would have done the same for her.

Slowly, she released the drawers and stepped back. Finn stood straight and tall as he glanced towards the cockpit. She was right and he was visibly shaken by it.

"Fine." He breathed as he walked away from her, "Wear a comlink once we get to Takodana."

Finn stopped on his way into the cockpit. "Wait, it is possible then, isn't it?" 

Rey smirked at him and waved her fingers. "I got you a little bit, didn't I my friend?" Her smugness bled with Ben's energy. There were plenty of things she learned that would have been better left alone. Though, they did serve their purposes. 


End file.
